I must be the showbiz ho in question because I just love this kind of stuff. Writing that exhaustive piece on Arnold Stang last week has, well, exhausted me. I'm working on a piece about Bert "The Mad Russian" Gordon right now and it will be up on Beware of the Blog soon enough, until then, here's some more swell classic talk show and showbiz footage culled from the internets. Click on the show's title to find the clip.

The Jerry Lewis Show (1963) - Jerry's first talk show was an astounding failure. Originally intended to compete with the new Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, it was canceled by ABC after just thirteen weeks. In this episode Jerry Lewis interviews Muhammad Ali who at the time was still Cassius Clay.

Kup's Show (1959-86) - This local Chicago chat program aired on WWTW Saturday nights and was hosted by Chicago Sun-Times columnist Irv Kupcinet for twenty-seven years. The 1977 panel here is amazing. Lucille Ball, David Mamet, Otto Preminger and Elizabeth Ashley (Okay Ashley isn't exactly amazing) debating censorship, aging in show business, whether Ball would have been successful had she entered the business in the seventies and lots more.

The Merv Griffin Show (1972-86) - This clip features an un-aired comedy routine from Pat Paulsen, the popular comedian from The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. This piece was obviously cut between the taping and that evening's airing - as Pat shows up wearing burnt cork.

The Dean Martin Show (1965-74) - This program was normally just a mix of broad sketches and lounge songs sung by Dino. However, this episode featured a serious change of pace. Martin's Rat Pack buddy, Don Rickles, comes onto the show and does his nightclub act for a full fifteen minutes, insulting an unbelievable array of big name stars who were invited to sit in the audience. The line that Rickles uses in reference to Bob Hope is a famous one that was apparently originally improvised at one of Rickles' Vegas gigs many years earlier.

You Bet Your Life (1950-61) - Of all the old television footage that has been brought to my attention since the inception of YouTube this is one of my favorites. It's beatnik-jazz comedian Lord Buckley playing it straight as a contestant on Groucho Marx's game show. From 1956, a real once-in-a-lifetime meeting of comedy minds!

On Location: Redd Foxx (1978) - When HBO was in its infancy, it granted stand-up comedy specials to old comedians that appealed to a completely different demographic than the channel services today. In 1977 and 1978 HBO gave stand-up specials to Shelley Berman, Myron Cohen, Phyllis Diller, Pat Cooper, Norm Crosby, Totie Fields, Frank Gorshin, George Kirby and Redd Foxx. The only young comic HBO gave a special to was Freddie Prinze. The second youngest comedian granted a special was George Carlin.

Buddy Hackett's HBO Special (1983) - No matter what you think of Buddy Hackett, it's interesting to see what his nightclub act was actually like. I imagine that more people are familiar with Hackett's talk show appearances and film cameos than his actual stand-up act. And even then, most of his act that's available for public consumption consists mostly of racist comedy records or watered down routines on The Ed Sullivan Show. Here we see verbatim what it would have been like to attend his live stage show.

The Mad Magazine Special (1974) - Long before the success of the sketch program Mad TV, Bill Gaines and the usual gang of idiots tried to sell this pilot. Nobody wanted it. However, it is interesting to see what could have been... crappy.

MP3:
01. David Easter - Sing for Me Suzanne (3:55)
02. Denis Gilmore and Lee MacDonald - Why Did They Take Heaven (3:48)
03. Jess Conrad - Jesus The Messiah (4:17)
04. Jess Conrad and Tanya Tenola - Soccer Superstar (3:30)
05. Tony Selby - Canada (3:28)
06. Steve Bent - Country and Western Cowboy (3:29)
07. Robert Scott - Indian Brave (3:28)
08. Showbiz Soccer Team - John Wayne American (3:20)
09. Lesley Vickerage - The Story of Dorothy Stratten (3:42)
10. Jess Conrad - Black Stockings (3:55)
11. Showbiz Soccer Team - Showbiz Soccer Song (3:41)

The Showbiz XI were a charity celebrity football team set up in the 1950s and over the years raised a lot money for good causes by arranging soccer matches and associated events throughout Britain. However not content with having a second career as would-be football players, the so-called celebs also opted for a third career as would-be singers - with dubious results.

There were two Showbiz XI albums issued in 1989 and 1990 with some songs appearing on both. I have chosen the 11 best songs, which, to be brutal, are pretty bad. A lot of the blame must go to team leader/manager Jess Conrad. He was a teen idol of the early 1960s and was never much of a singer, opting to sing some very wet songs. No less than three ended up on Kenny Everett's Worlds Worst Record Show on radio in 1977.  The front of the sleeve shows Jess in football gear saving a goal but musically scoring an own goal in the process. His three contributions are let down by his leaden, tuneless singing and, again, a bizarre choice of material. Jesus The Messiah is a frankly embarrassing ode to Christ, which would be rejected from the most open-minded Christian album. Black Stockings is a Lovely Rita-style ode to female traffic wardens and sees Jess attempting a rap and falling flat on his face. But the worst offender is Soccer Superstar, a plodding jazz-funk dirge to football stardom with an all-time bad opening line: "Passing, kicking, shooting, dribbling, tackling, heading and ball control" sung by Jess and fellow vocalist Tanya Tenola with flat delivery and very little enthusiasm. The first time I played this I thought the record was pressed off-centre. It isn't!

A giggle is Steve Bent's seemingly helium-enhanced Country and Western Cowboy that has about as much to do with cowboy spurs as the Showbix XI have in common with Spurs FC. But save room for Why Did They Take Heaven? by Denis Gilmore and Lee MacDonald. This is truly toe-curling. They half talk/sing as father and son with the quizzical kid asking questions about nature and the environment with dad putting him right. Lee MacDonald was a child actor who played Zammo Maguire in the hit kids drama Grange Hill. But he's no singer and even has trouble speaking in time to the music. "Is it true you drink rain water? Were there fishes in the sea? And other life in the world apart from you and me?" he says in staccato as though he were being slowly electrocuted. Denis Gilmore as 'dad' is even worse, being so wooden he's giving off splinters.

The second album was a misguided a tribute to America and Hollywood hence the dire  John Wayne song, a tuneless tribute to model/actress Dorothy Stratten and the truly bad Indian Brave by Robert Scott which boasts 'special backing vocals by Ala Cra, Glenn Ford, Geoff Galt and Brian Grant'. This must have put Anglo-American relations back by decades.

Don't worry if you're outside Britain and haven't heard of most of the names singing here, we haven't heard of them either! The front of the sleeve lists more famous names, who were seemingly supporters of the team, but wisely opted not to contribute to the project (they knew their limitations).

The main problem here is that because it was for charity it gave them an excuse to get away with such mediocrity. But why are so many charity records a by-word for crap? The small print reveals that the Patron of the Showbiz XI was one Margaret Thatcher (Britain's former Prime Minister) and suddenly it all makes sense. She spent her life inflicting pain and misery on her populate and so was more than happy to put her name to more of the same with these albums.

- Contributed by: David Noades

Images: Cover

Media: LPs
Album: The Showbiz Soccer Song LP / The Showbiz Soccer Song LP no 2
Label: Showbiz Records
Catalog: SBX 102 / SBX 104
Credits: 1989 / 1990
Date: Produced by Allen David and Jess Conrad.

A selection of glitchy beats, digital dancehall, hiphop, grime, dubstep and several other electronic aural oddities, mashed together in Ableton Live. Available to listen & download at http://murk.podomatic.com/. Tracklist: 1: Radiohead - Backdrifts (Honeymoon is Over) 2: Drop the Lime - Gal yu nuh beg (Push Push Mix) 3: Jahcoozi - Shake the Doom 4: M.I.A. - Galang 5: Stereotyp meets Al-Haca - Blaze 'n Cook (feat. Shagon) 6: The Constructus Corporation - Touchy Feely (feat. Anica the Snufling) 7: Various Production - Hater 8: Tujiko Noriko & Aoki Takamasa - Nolicom 9: Funkstörung - Habitual Citizens (feat. Mark Boombastic) 10: Dizzee Rascal - Stand up Tall (Ghislain Poirier remix) 11: Trim - Wot (part 2) (feat. Frisco) 12: Modeselektor - Silikon (feat. Sasha) (grime rmx) 13: Dat Politics - Si 14: Max Normal TV - Rap Made Easy 15: TTC - Strip pour moi 16: Nautilis - Oh how Schmee loves DSP 17: Modeselektor - Dancing Box (feat. TTC) 18: Stacs of Stamina - Roll (feat. Earz) 19: Milanese - Caramel Cognac total length: 55 mins. 45 secs. - Source Site:http://murk.podomatic.com

underground music... - Source Site:http://www.podomatic.com/people/index/otaota

robotdisco, electro, techno, filtered french whathaveyou. Tracklist: Tracklist: 01. Alan Braxe - Vertigo (Thomas Bangalter Virgo Mix) 02. The Martin Brothers - Stoopit (Original Mix) 03. Richard Dinsdale & Mark Knight - Crunch 04. Lottergirls - Bonfini (Headman Remix) 05. Le Castle Vania - Trouble in Daylight (surface2air remix) 06. P Diddy feat. Christina Aguilera - Tell Me (Switch Remix) 07. KIM - Wet 'N Wild (Riot in Belgium Remix) 08. John Dahlback - If You Give Me 09. Michael Jackson - Billie Jean (2005 White Lable Remix) 10. Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler 11. Green Velvet - Shake and Pop 12. Kevin Gorman - Black and White 13. Armand Van Heldon - I Want Your Soul (Fake Blood Remix) 14. Mr. Oizo - Nazis (Midnight Art Rerub) 15. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (Patrick Alavi Rerox) 16. Franz & Shape - Tightropes (Kissy Sell Out's Bethnal Green Dub) - Source Site:http://manalogue.blogspot.com

"In a way, 'The Twist' really ruined my life. I was on my way to becoming a big nightclub performer, and 'The Twist' just wiped it out. It got so out of proportion. No one ever believes I have talent." –Chubby Checker

MP3:
A: The Rub (4:59)
B: Move It (4:42)

During my last used vinyl store run, I nearly killed myself going through every last 12" single they had in the racks. It was worth it, though, as I got some good stuff (like "Woodpeckers from Space" by Video Kids) including this Halloween-colored disco single by none other than Chubby Checker. I was slightly miffed at the $9 price tag... all I could think was, "Damn, this better be good. The E.T. Storybook Album (narrated by Michael Jackson!) only costs $7, and that's supposed to be pretty rare." I quickly realized it was worth the money simply just to hear Chubby's attempt at disco.

Likely one of of his final attempts to break free of the stigma of The Twist (at age 35, no less!) Mr. Checker put out this single during the early days of disco in 1976. Both sides are borderline forgettable tunes, with either one tackling one of the specific halves of the disco genre: the "slow, creepy make-out music" half, and the "mindless dance music" half, respectively. "The Rub", the A-side, is actually the weaker of the two songs, partly because it's musically unremarkable, and partially because I can't stop picturing Chubby singing this song while making grinding motions with his body. "Move It" is also kind of on the generic side, but it's got some nice synth sounds (didn't hear too much of those in 1976) and it gets pretty funky when the sax solos come in.

Unsurprisingly, I can't find any reference to this single on Chubby's site, since he's pretty much given up on trying to be anything but "the guy who made The Twist" and devotes his entire site to the song's notoriety, more or less. Nor can I find an entire Chubby Checker disco album that this single may have been pulled from. Ah well. Goodonya for trying, Chubby.

- Contributed by: The Swill Man

Images: Sleeve, A-Side, B-Side

Media: 45 rpm 12" single
Label: Amherst Records
Catalog: AMH-D-4
Credits: Written by "C. Checker/M. Washington", producer/arranger: Lou Hemsey
Date: 1976

"I'm comfortable with an orchestra because of working in film. I'm just trying to attempt more and more. [...] From these couple of shows we are already in talks maybe to tour something around the world and hook into local orchestras. [...] We're pushing that envelope. It's a challenge for me and something that I would enjoy doing."

- Legendary British DJ and trance pioneer Paul Oakenfold talks about his unusual and "pioneering" role of playing with a 75-piece orchestra in Boston this week.

How is this "pioneering"? Jeff Mills did this years ago with his Blue Potential project and Paul van Dyk performed with full symphonic orchestra as well.

So for that matter statements such as "pushing the envelope" are quite innacurate and misleading.

Pioneering DJ sets sights on Hollywood [Reuters]

Patrick O’Neill points out that M-Audio has started to release new drivers with Vista compatibility: the Axiom 25, Fast Track Pro, MobilePre USB, and Jamlab all got new updates (the last three in beta). The Fast Track Pro is especially nice to see. Still no love yet for Wally and his Conectiv DJ interface, however.

M-Audio drivers

Let us know how these work for you if you try them out.

compatibility, drivers, hardware, interfaces, M Audio, upgrades, Vista, Windows

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You know I’m often (well, sometimes, anyway) a reasonable, rational, measured person. And you can probably guess that, as a fan of design and elegance, I really appreciate the iPhone’s elegant design, the fact that it pays attention to user experience. I think it’s a major innovation, one that will have far-reaching effects. Yet, something about walking out the door of my apartment building and seeing a hundred people waiting in line just because there’s an AT&T Wireless store on the block — one of many here in Manhattan — is setting me off.

I miss computers. Remember computers? Remember the Apple II, which came pre-installed with BASIC so you could start programming it out of the box (in stark contrast to the closed nature of iPhone)? Remember the Newton, which you could turn into a drum machine if you wanted? Remember how Steve Jobs’ first product, with Steve Wozniak, was a device that actually ripped off AT&T? That sounds like fun. It’s just sort of hard to see the iPhone being the landmark 50 years from now, even if Steve Jobs told Apple employees they’ll tell their grandchildren about the iPhone launch. (I have a feeling their grandchildren will respond, you used THAT?)

I like devices that can make music, not just listen to it.

(...)
Read the rest of Quick: Help Me Think of Anything That's Not an iPhone (297 words)

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Linux compatibility problems? Wally’s got his DJ gear working on Linux, and broken on Vista. And that makes him MAD. We’re celebrating random rant Friday, so let’s have at it until it gets fixed, ‘kay? He gripes because he loves, I’m sure. -Ed.

As I’ve written on CDM before, I’m a big fan of the M-Audio Conectiv USB DJ audio interface. It’s a great bang-for-buck device that works really well with my existing collection of MsPinky vinyl.

Unfortunately though, I can’t use it (or Torq) with my new Vaio notebook running Vista (not easily anyway - I’m sure I could do some run-around by installing it as a generic USB audio device and using ASIO4ALL). Why not? Because M-Audio has yet to release drivers for it. Vista hasn’t changed for 7 months. Developers (including M-Audio, I’m sure) have had their hands on it for at least the last year. It’s been out officially for 5 months now.

However, I had no issues getting it up and running on my 8-year-old Linux box. I powered my ancient Dell running FC5 down, connected the USB cable, and booted back up. Sure enough, it was recognized as a USB audio device. A few modprobes and .asoundrc edits later, I’ve got it working with Alsa, Jack, etc.

(...)
Read the rest of I can use my Conectiv under Linux, but not Vista. Why, again? (320 words)

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